Campaigners for repatriation end all forms of archaeology.

Journal of Imaginary Sciences, Vol 15, (2009),

Campaigners for repatriation end all forms of archaeology.

Universities across the globe have been closing their archaeology & anthropology departments today as repatriation campaigners successfully claimed back all the remains and finds collected by them.

The repatriation debate has been carried out for some time, as ethnic groups, complaining against the imperialistic attitudes of scientists who stole bodies from them, have mounted successful campaigns to get their ancestors back. Indeed, laws have been passed in Australia and America in order to allow these minorities to claim their ancestors from musty shelves in collections. Whilst this was seen as a good compromise by some, it was argued that it was not just the remains that were being disrespected. Several campaigners argued that all artefacts found with these remains were grave goods and as such should be reburied along with the bodies. This line of reasoning was also extended to all artefacts as the campaigners argued that the people wouldn’t want strangers messing around with them.

“Its terrible,” said one archaeologist. “We can’t study the remains any more as the ethnic minorities have reclaimed them, now we can’t study their artefacts! We can’t do anything any more except make wild claims. Without the evidence we’re as bad as the Eric von Däniken guy who stated the pyramids were made by aliens!”

As the universities close, some ask what the archaeologists can do now they haven’t any jobs.

“Go and become builders” said one happy campaigner, “at least you’ll be doing an honest job!”