Intelligent Falling, the new alternative to the Theory of Gravity

Journal of Imaginary Sciences, Vol 16, (2009),

Intelligent Falling, the new alternative to the Theory of Gravity

At the Discovery Institute today, the Intelligent Designists revealed a new campaign placed to challenge the existing status quo. Whilst they have spent years debating Evolution, Intelligent Design advocates have now turned their eyes on the Physics world.

“We wanted to look at how a designer may have implemented the physical rules that we see operating in our world today” said Michael Dembski. “We soon came to realise that the Designer had made several complex and intricate laws that are irreducibly complex. We have decided to now start a new campaign which tries to teach the alternative theory to the Theory of Gravity”. We argue that without the exact precision that the Designer implemented into these laws, we would have not come about and this universe would not be as it is today. The Theory of Gravity is like the Theory of Evolution. As a result we argue that our Designer tells things to fall and commands gravity. Using the equations surrounding gravity we were able to calculate an unknown factor, intelligently deciding what things should fall. For example, look at the fact that people and heavy weights fall whilst airplanes can fly. This is obviously evidence for a designer at work.”

Prominent physicists such as Stephen Hawkings have criticised the idea, describing it as “ludicrous” however, Dembski replied with:

“Stephen Hawkings said that “It would be very difficult to explain why the universe should have begun in just this way, except as the act of a God who intended to create beings like us.". So this indicates he may be hiding his opinions here when it comes into Intelligent Falling. After all, we have described before in “Expelled, No Intelligence Allowed” the conspiracy of the mainstream scientists trying to prevent research into an Intelligent Designer. It is clear that our friend Stephen is being motivated by these people to speak untruths”.

*Please note that the quote attributed to Stephen Hawkings is a quote mine for the purpose of this satire. This is not what Hawkings meant and a link has been inserted to show the correct quotation

Quote mine