How to debate as a pseudo-scientist

Journal of Imaginary Sciences, Vol 18, (2009),

How to debate as a pseudo-scientist

As an eager follower of the pseudo-sciences you may wish to engage in debate with others in order to convince them of the joys of your particular belief. Here is a guide produced by some of the foremost debaters in these circles on the net.

1. Preach. You need to educate your foes with what they are dealing with. Preaching your points at them prevents them from actually raising points of their own which could damage your argument. The more you say, the less they can produce.
2. Spelling and grammar. This is optional. It doesn’t matter whether you can type anything, just as long as you think it supports your argument.
3. Credentials. All arguments seem better when you have credentials. If you haven’t got any, imply you have. Don’t worry about being called a liar, they won’t find out…….
4. Ignore their points. Why bother listening to their arguments? You know you’re right.
5. Argue from improbability. Scientists come up with strange and fascinating arguments, but they are all improbable. State that.
6. Generalise. All scientific objections against your points are easily evaded when you show in general terms how daft their arguments are. Classics include that your family aren’t descended from monkeys. This will result in them trying to raise more and more objections until they can’t remember what they were arguing about.
7. Hitler. Everyone knows Hitler was a bad man. So if he did something, it must be bad too!
8. Quote mine. Quoting is a good way of putting forward your argument from authority and if the quotes need editing well so be it.
9. Mud-slinging. These people who you debate are often vile unbelievers who need to be shown the errors of their ways. Remind them of that.
10. Use mis-applied science. Often science can be used against itself to show the problems with the idea. An example is the second law of thermodynamics which contradicts Evolution.

All these are good and tried methods of debating and have worked exceedingly well against sceptics. One of thing you must remember is this. You’re always right and that the belief from whichever book or leader you have, is always correct. Ignore those who seek to waylay you, you know the truth.